During my teenage years, I found myself deeply immersed in the hookup culture, much like many of those around me. It was a cycle of seeking out new encounters on a weekly or even daily basis, leaving me feeling hollow and unfulfilled. However, amidst this emptiness, I began to feel a tug towards spirituality. This realization prompted me to embark on what is known as the NoFap challenge – a journey towards abstaining from pornography and masturbation.
Initially, my attempts at the NoFap challenge were met with failure every few weeks. However, with each setback, I grew more determined to persevere. As time went on, I began to experience the positive effects of abstaining from these behaviors, which fueled my desire to continue striving for self-improvement.
While I do not feel ready to fully embrace a celibate lifestyle, I have made the decision to adopt a more disciplined approach to my behavior. During college semesters, I commit myself to maintaining a strict NoFap and religious lifestyle. However, I acknowledge the presence of temptations and attractive individuals that may cross my path, which can infiltrate my thoughts. Therefore, during winter and summer breaks, I allow myself occasional indulgences, but I limit these “sinful days” to no more than twice a month.
Through reflection, I have identified the setbacks that arise when my life veers too far into hedonism. While it may sound superstitious to some, recognizing these patterns has been instrumental in guiding me towards a more religious and spiritually fulfilling life.
As I approach this Christmas Eve, I am filled with a renewed sense of commitment to my spiritual development. I pray for the strength to resist temptation and the guidance of a higher power on this journey towards self-discovery and growth. May God grant me the resolve to stay true to my convictions and lead me towards a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Fear
Consequences of lusts:
bad Relationship
hospitalisation
homelessness
poor eyesight
fatigue
08/29/2015~12/22/2015 empty stomach,low motivation,bad luck
05/28/2016 bad grades, tooth problems, Money issue
10/2016 plans delayed, over slept, missing classes, guilt, lack of energy
11/5~11/8 2016 missing schools, tooth pain, sickness, low achievement
2016~2021 credit card issues more than 3 times
03~07 2020 stock loses, unemployment, sleeping disorder
02/2021 YouTube issue
03/2021 bad grades, attendances
2019 water pipe leaking 06/2020 liability bill 06/2021 liability bill
06/2021 unemployment letter job refusal responses
06/14/2021 liability bill negotiation
07/14~08/14 doubts, water bill settlements, money issue
08/14~08/21 low motivations, sleeping disorder, unproductive, full moon hurricane
08/26~08/28 felt exhausted, scam shipping text, missing dental appointment, delusional passengers on the train, music major delays, changing courses, sleeping disorder, stay overnight, woke up at 5:30 pm, overspending on food
09/01 missing classes, slept until 4 pm, sedation surgery insurance denied
09/02~09/03 missing classes, woke up at 10 pm, depression, back pain, fainted, bad eyesight, TV drama addictions, wasted money on food, overslept
09/04~09/11 burned by lusts
11/19~ 11/27 uncertainty, restlessness, tiresome, depressions, sorrows, drinking,
overslept, low productivity
01/01/2022~10/28/2022 Benefits from less hedonistic lifestyle, get in music program, more productive in art and music; whereas tiredness, doubts, depressions, setbacks, financial disruptions whenever hedonistic thoughts arise.
(Hedonistic past, restrained hedonistic lifestyle from 2015~2020)
(New plan, hedonistic once every 2 weeks since 2020)
(Full celibacy scheduled from 12/18/2021 but failed)
(Renewal of new celibacy plan from 10/29/2022)
(Uncertainty of home fixing, business credit card, SSA issue, tooth, 11/05/2022)
11/19/2022 doubts, unproductive, procrastination, depression, but under control
11/26/2022 ~ 11/27/2022 unproductive, low motivation, depression
12/03/2022 unproductive, sleeping disorder, bad online social engagements waste money on food, low motivation
12/07/2022~12/10/2022 unproductive, window issues, smoke detectors issues, potential lawsuit
12/15/2022~12/18/2022 rainy, delayed fixing, heater problem, window fixing debate, benefit deduction, overslept, lack of reviewing for final exam
12/22~12/24/2022 delayed dental surgery, window issue, liability issue, heater issue
Sinful days: 02/19/2020 02/21/2020 08/01/2020 09/04/2020 10/01/2020 10/18/2020 11/10/2020 11/28/2020 12/28/2020 01/14/2021 02/02/2021 02/03/2021 02/05/2021 04/05/2021 04/16/2021 04/21/2021 04/23/2021 04/26/2021 05/30/2021 06/01/2021 06/06/2021 06/14/2021 06/19/2021 07/07/2021 07/14/2021 08/14/2021 08/21/2021 08/28/2021 09/04/2021 09/11/2021 11/19/2021 11/24/2021 11/25/2021 11/26/2021 11/27/2021 12/11/2021 12/18/2021 01/01/2022 01/08/2022 … many… 10/08/2022 10/15/2022 10/28/2022 11/05/2022 11/27/2022 12/03/2022 12/10/2022 12/18/2022 12/24/2022
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